I like to think I am really funny and creative

I sent this e-mail out to the entire agency....I can't begin to tell you how many people thought I had a chronic illness...

From: Miranda
Sent: Friday, March 13, 2009 11:57 AM
To: Everyone at work
Subject: An unfortunate condition....can you help?

Teammates -
I've recently come to realize that a condition I've been not-so-blessed with for several years has flared up over the past few months. It appears as though the only thing that has aided in keeping this condition (Fatomahthighs) under control in the past has been proper diet and exercise, both of which I have been unsuccessful in maintaining for more than a period of approximately 3 days. In my quest for controlling Fatomahthighs, I've determined that I am in need of some sort of accountability (apparently the scale is not enough) and perhaps a partner (or several for that matter) to encourage me to increase my activity level. Knowing the above information, aren't you excited to help?!

Here is what I would like to see happen:
1. You e-mail or call me if you are interested in participating in a little contest.
2. I collect all names of those interested and form two groups/teams.
3. Each team will have a team go-getter to encourage participation and to give updates on which team is winning.
4. Over the course of about 4 weeks each individual will document their activity levels (more information about documenting activities forthcoming!)
5. The team with the most points (again, more information forthcoming!) WINS!

Now, you may be wondering what, exactly, the winning team will win. I haven't a clue. However, I can tell you that it will be awesome and creative and...well....probably something homemade....that is, unless someone has a better idea.

So what do you have to do? You need to e-mail or call me by next Wednesday (3/18/09) so I can divvy up the teams and get all of the rules straightened out. The contest will officially begin on Monday, 3/23/09 and will end on Sunday 4/19/09. Don't worry, POST attendees! If you want to participate but don't get a chance to tell me prior to heading out to the Academy, just write down your activities (duration + activity) and shoot me an e-mail when you come back and I'll add you to a team! Simple as that!

Ready? Let's do this! Miranda :)

Gotten

I don't know what my problem is. For some reason I've become obsessed with people who use the word "gotten." As in, when they say it, I cringe, almost as if it's not a real word. It's come the point where I have made a conscious effort to take the word out of my vocabulary entirely and replace "gotten" with "obtained" or something similar. Tonight I decided to google the word, and I found out that it can be used in regard to obtaining, becoming, or moving. However, it CANNOT be used in terms of possession. I've found that most people, when using the word, do so in regard to possession. How's that for random and obsessive?

Selling the Jeep!

Guess what?! When the Jeep sells, we get new carpet! Tell EVERYONE you know.

Here are the specs:

97 Jeep Wrangler - $7600

--BRAND NEW Top
--4" Body Lift
--33" Tires
--2.5L 4cyl.
--High flow Rechargeable intake
--Custom exhaust
--Low miles - 110,000?
--Chrome Nerf Bars
--Chrome bumpers, w/lights
--Chrome dress-up parts on: hood, mirrors, lights, grill
--Alpine CD player, w/ iPod/MP3 input
--Sound bar with 6.5" Orion components
--8" bazooka sub
--4x50 watt clarion amp (in locking trunk).
--Diamond plate body armor.
--Interior is in great shape
--Receiver Hitch for towing
--5-speed manual
--4X4
--Custom rims
--New battery

Dear Overly-Confident Hairdresser...

I am taking these pictures as a means of reminding myself why I do should not, and will not return to your place of employment. I realize that when most people say, "give me bangs," they have not researched photos for days on end to find out exactly what they want. I realize they probably have not uploaded a stupid picture of themselves on-line and "tried on" different hairstyles with bangs. But I did, and Josh can attest to it. I am a dork, and I fully admit it. So when I say, "I want bangs to 'here' and I want them to sweep to the side, you should not do this:


and then tell me that you don't want to cut it shorter because it will "bug the hell out of [me]." I'm pretty sure hair that covers my eyes will bug me more than hair that sits above my eyes. And what's with the uneven "bangs" bit? I don't understand. At least, for the time being, I can do something with it to hide the unevenness that you managed to create... but I think you owe me $14.00 plus whatever I end up paying to have it remedied at 4:00 pm today with a real hairdresser.

Hippies

old bfs

This has happened to me twice in the past 6 months or so...and it's kind of fun. Last night an old boyfriend contacted me via facebook. I thought Mike was pretty much awesome. We dated on and off for about 8 months, and HE broke up with ME about 3 times throughout that time period. Last night we got home from a weekend of rafting, of course, and I had a message from Mike. It was something like, "I'm reevaluating my life and was thinking about you." Does that mean he was thinking about me and how much he fucked up? I kind of hope so, to be honest. Mostly because I am so so so so so happy and content with my most fabulous relationship now and hope that he sees that I am awesome. Am I a bitch because of this?

The other time was when I was at POST Academy in March and Justin contacted me to ask why he was "doomed to be single." I quickly reminded him that HE dumped ME. It was the epitome of "High Fidelity." And I liked it.

Honestly, I think the only reason I am writing this is because I drank a few beers and made pina coladas...and when the pina colada mix ran out, I made strawberry daquaris. Soooo...I am a little intoxicated. But it's still fun to think about how awesome I am :)

I am jealous of Alison's tattoos...

...and now I want a birdie. It's my sister-in-law's fault. She said, "I think we should commemorate my trip to Boise by getting new tattoos!" I said, "I have enough." Then my mom said she is thinking about getting one. WTF?! Now all I've been able to think about is getting a new tatt. And all I can think about are Alison and her fab birdie tatts on her arms. I want one above my hip and am thinking about a combo (somehow) of the three of these:




Ideas, anyone??

Cute

I was supposed to read all day and finish this stupid book for my Management class. Brooke even went to her great-grandma's so I could get some stuff done (Josh went rafting again). I read quite a bit but eventually pulled out my guitar and jammed out a little bit. I picked up Brooke and brought her home to chill. Josh came home for a brief second and then we took him to an awards thing for work. Eventually, it came time for Brooke to go to bed. I still had my guitar out and I asked her if she wanted me to sing her a song. Of course, she said "yes" and plopped down cross-legged onto the floor to listen. She told me I could make a lot of money if I wanted to. Then, she asked if I wanted her to massage my back. Of course, I said "YES!" and she sat behind me on the couch while I played guitar and she rubbed my back. I started making up a stupid song about how I like it when Brooke massages my back. I stopped and said, "your turn!" and we took turns singing made up lines about each other. It went something like this:

M: "Man, I love it when Brooke rubs my back. It feels pretty awesome like that."
B: "Yeah, Miranda is the coolest."
M: "Brooke is a pretty cool kid"
B: "Miranda likes to sing."
M: "Brooke has some shoes that are a little bit too small."
B: "No they aren't."
M: "I think it's time for Brooke to go to bed!"

It was pretty much the funniest/cutest moment we've had in awhile. That and the time last week when we were eating dinner and she said, "Miranda, you know, over the past couple of days, you've been really acting like a mom." I kindly said, "Well, I'm not your real mom but I take care of you like a real mom should." She quietly responded with "ohh."

Anyway, our impromptu songwriting session was sooooo cute.

I am paranoid...

...because I work with offenders. Granted, people should be cautious when someone knocks on the front door at 11pm, but I think I am overly cautious because of my job. Case in point: I was sitting around posting an ad on Craigslist (I need to get rid of these gargantuan dresses in my closet!) and watching World Poker Tour on TV when there was a knock on the door. Silly me freaked out! I wasn't sure if I should actually open the door or not so I took a peek through the blinds. Silly me couldn't see anything but a silhouette, yet I opened the door anyway. WTF? If I was that freaked out, I shouldn't have opened the door! Thankfully, it was just our neighbor, Jordan, wondering if Josh was home because he needed something only Josh can provide. Wait, that sounded dirty and gay and that's not what I meant. He needed something that I would not have in my possession. Anyway, I am safe, but still a little concerned that I am so paranoid.

it's been awhile...

...and I don't really have anything interesting to say.

I went to POST Academy for work and graduated last Friday, so that was nice. It suuuuuuuuucks to have to stay in dorms, with a roommate, without the ability to leave campus (except for the weekend) when you only live 15 minutes away. Oh well, like I said, it's over and I got an "awesome" sweat suit with my name on it for future use.

The semester is coming to a close, but is sooooooo busy, yet again. And this time, I really didn't procrastinate. I really just haven't had enough time to get everything done, especially since I had to be gone at POST for 2 weeks.

Josh is taking his first rafting trip this weekend and I'm jealous. I'm staying home with Brooke and will be going crazy reading research for my presentation on Tuesday.

Wow, this is such a boring post. I'm really, really sorry that I have nothing better to write about. Maybe something exciting will happen soon and I can tell you about it. For now, I'll just head back to watching Idol and studying for my test tomorrow.

Why I love Facebook

This has not really been "my week." Aside from a few arguments over the weekend (now resolved, thanks) and having to work long days at work to make up for taking Monday off (it was worth it), my grandfather had his second stroke in two weeks. So I've been just a little worried about that and, quite honestly, have been distracted from doing anything productive at work....which would explain why I decided to check my facebook account mid-morning. I was so so SO excited to read, "Abigail is in...Idaho" when checking out my friends' status updates! I immediately called her and it turns out she's in Caldwell - just a hop, skip, and a jump from Boise! Abby was one of my favorite people from my time in Valparaiso and I haven't seen her since 2004, when she visited Valpo after moving away to attend seminary at Princeton. Hooray for long, lost friends!

I should be...

...doing many things other than blogging. Whatever.

I found out last night that my parents and sister are going to CA for Christmas to see my brother and his family. I can't go because I don't have any vacation time that I can use yet. Brooke will be gone too, so it looks like it's just Josh and me for the holidays. I think we'll go skiing at Tamarack :)

Two classes left to go for the semester! One will be hell, the other...not so much. Still SO much preparation for the weekend. Ugh! And the shitty thing is that I'll have to sit through "stupid girl's" presentation before I can give mine, even though I requested the first slot. I'd much rather go first and get it over with so I can concentrate on everyone else's presentations. Oh well, can't win 'em all. And you may think I'm being rude by calling her "stupid girl" but it's much nicer than calling her an outright "bitch." (oops, I think I just did.) Hopefully she won't be in my classes next semester...one could only be so lucky.

On another note, I realized last weekend that I paid my last month's rent back in January and I don't have to pay rent this month! Hooray!!!

BTW, still looking to sell my couches...$350 for both....or $225 for the couch and $175 for the love seat if bought separately (man, what a bargain to buy them together!).

I have 'coons

Yup. I came home from class tonight to 3 raccoons sitting on my front steps. I don't really know what to do about this. They ran away pretty quickly when I walked up, but I have these odd visions about the 'coons coming and attacking me when I'm walking up the steps. Yikes.

On another note, my plumbing got fixed.

plumbing, in the most literal sense.

Last week, with no warning, my bathtub stopped draining. I supposed it didn't STOP stop, but it began to drain very, very, VERY slowly. So much that, by the end of my 10 minute shower, the tub was completely filled and took 20 minutes to drain.

I bought Drain-O.

After 2 doses, it still wouldn't drain.

I e-mailed my landlord and said I could live with it for a few days, but would really like someone to come check it out next week. She scheduled a plumber to come on Wednesday. I figured I could live with that, as long as I could muster up some energy to clean up my apartment so the plumber didn't have to deal with that mess too.

Saturday morning I got up and started my deep-clean of the kitchen, living room, and bathroom. I cleaned the toilet, flushed, and watched the remnants of previous uses come right back up and flood onto my floor. DAMMIT.

I bought a plunger (and some Sparks to make the rest of the process less horrible). I plunged until I could not plunge anymore. Still, nothing. Every time that stupid toilet flushed (OK, all 3 times), it flooded water onto my floor.

With that, I e-mailed my landlord (the only number I have is her office line, which is right next door and they are gone until Tuesday) in hopes that she would get the message that I cannot stay at my apartment until the plumbing is fixed and requested that someone come to fix it earlier than Wednesday. I don't think she's going to get the message until Tuesday, which just plain sucks.

So now, not only does my bathtub fail to drain, my toilet will not flush. Thankfully I have a place to stay (thanks Josh) until someone with expertise can come save my apartment.

video games...

...have never been more forte. I'm terrible at them, to tell the truth. Last night was the exception. When I should have been reading, writing, or researching for class, I sat around with Sam and Malia, Josh, Jodi, and Justin playing Guitar Hero. I am now forcing Josh to buy it so I can continue to win at something. FYI, this is a source of frustration for me because Josh is freaking good at everything and I never win, so for once, I am better at something than him and I want to keep it that way. Of course, this means that I will need to hide the video game when I'm not at his house so he can't practice when I'm not there....

Halloweeeeeeen

Josh took Brooke out trick-or-treating tonight so I stayed at the house to pass out candy. My favorite part of the night was when a ghoulish little 5 year old girl came to the door. When I got to the door, her dad was talking to her and distracting her from the whole ordeal. The door opened, she turned her body around and said, "Peek-a-boo!"

It was pretty much the best part of the night ever.

Everyone knows...

...that I am a little clumsy. Ok, a lot clumsy. I've become a little better lately--I don't fall as much and...well...that's pretty much it. Today takes the cake.

I had planned a low-points lunch because I'm going to happy hour with my friend Shauna after work and I wanted to be able to drink a few beers but still have a decent dinner. So I got myself some 0 points soup, peas, and yogurt for a grand total of a 2 point, yet filling lunch.

And I spilled that effing soup all over my desk. $!%**#&!. An hour later and I was still cleaning up soup...from my computer monitor, my palm pilot, my keyboard. What a freaking mess.

On top of that, my boss has been sick all week and when she came in yesterday, she was still really grossly sick. Of course, when I got to the divisional meeting yesterday afternoon, the only seat open was next to her and she coughed without covering her mouth about a million times and it was super disgusting. I've been taking some Airborne to stave off any sickness she might have spread my direction because one thing is for certain: I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT GET SICK....I HAVE TOO MUCH SHIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT TO DO!!!

Back to work...

Things I recommend (thanks JB)

*Playing in the Probation Officers vs. Detention Officers Annual Softball game. We (Probation) lost, but I am convinced that we had far more fun than the DOs. I was weary of playing, since I hadn't played since I was about 14 years old...but I did...and I did well.

*Josh's "Never Trust a Hippie Party." Really, nothing beats playing poker at 2pm, wearing clothes that emulate a couch, and saying "far out" a lot.



*Walking to get coffee. My usual Saturday/Sunday routine has evolved into taking Josh's daughter with me in the mornings to get coffee and hot chocolate. Since Brooke was at her mom's for the weekend, I managed to convince Josh to walk with me to get coffee on Saturday morning. It was such a nice 2 mile walk that I decided to go alone on Monday morning.

*Working for the government. Ok, it has it's downfalls that I really need not get into right now. However, it also has perks like getting to take Columbus Day off while many others have to work.

*Going to a matinee on Columbus Day. There's no one in the theater at noon on a Monday. Gotta love that, even if the movie is mediocre (which I've already determined "is not so bad.")

*WAPATCHE. I have no idea of that is the correct acronym for this conference, but I really don't care. It's some Criminal Justice Conference that I was actually thinking about going to this year in Reno, but my job kept me here for the week. Lucky me, I don't have either of my classes this week and actually have ample time to do important work.

*Funny boyfriends. Yeah yeah, you're sick of hearing about Josh, but I'm not sick of telling about how funny he is. He grew out this gigantic beard for the previously mentioned party, then promptly shaved all of it off the next day, except for this biker/white trash mustache. I have a hard time looking at him with a straight face....



*Switching to Verizon. Yup, I did it. AT&T/Cingular was driving me nuts, so after 5 years with the same carrier, I switched it up. Same number, new cool phone.

I'm soooo excited!

You may remember that around the time of my birthday, I purchased a new bag from my friend Alison, who lives in Chicago. My polka-dotted hand bag is perfect for day trips and those times when I need (read: feel like I need) to carry more than just my wallet and phone. In other words, it was perfect for my old job, where I just needed something to hold a few extra things, like a book or the newspaper and my ever important nano.

Since I started my new job (gasp) over 3 weeks ago and have found that I need to carry much, much more with me everyday. I now have a work issued cell phone and palm pilot, keyboard for my palm pilot, case files to carry to court, office keys, and random training materials that I have to carry with me everywhere. On top of that, I now have a crap load of Weight Watchers books to tote (yes, I finally gussied up and joined the WW plan), books for class, and every now and then, my MacBook to bring with me to class. In other words, I have outgrown my fabulous polka-dotted work bag.

Enter: Alison. I e-mailed her a few weeks ago with my dilemma and explained exactly the type of bag I need (read: think I need) for work and/or school, complete with an explanation of why I need a velcro on all of the pockets (which I need many of) and why I need a flap (if you lost your wallet on an airplane on your way to the middle of nowhere South Dakota, you would need a flap on your bag and velcro on your pockets too). Amazing as she is, she designed a pattern, picked out fabric, and sewed it up for my sweet ass (that I like to think has become sweeter since W). She posted the pictures and I CANNOT WAIT for it to get here!


Here is a preview:





But you can see the rest of the photos here.

grocery shopping

I have a love-hate relationship with the grocery store. On one hand, I love having a stocked kitchen and a decent selection of what I eat everyday. On the other hand, I HATE going to the grocery store. People tend to stop their carts in the middle of each aisle with no regard to who might be waiting (and waiting and waiting) for them to move to the side or go forward just another few feet. I prefer to get in and out of there as quickly as possible and like to think that I hold the record for the fastest grocery shopper in Ada County--so fast that I really could win big on Supermarket Sweet. When I finally get to the check-out line, I almost always pick the slowest checker who seems to find it fun to strike up a conversation about the weather, making my stay at the store even longer. And finally, when all is said and done, I've spent entirely too much money on food that will last only a short while.

So you guessed it--today I had to go grocery shopping. I usually just shop by the week and pick up whatever is cheapest at the Albertsons just a few miles down the road. Today, in true procrastination practice, I decided to go to WinCo for my grocery shopping and pick up stuff for more than just a week. WinCo, for those who don't know, is the somewhat-ghetto grocery store, where you have to bag your own groceries and nearly everyone is lacking in shopper etiquette that seems to be just a bit more apparent in Albertsons or Fred Meyer. But it's cheap, and I like cheap. To make my excursion even more dramatic, I was in a pretty pissy mood and really was not looking forward to faking a smile and saying, "excuse me" every time I turned a corner. For some reason, I left WinCo today in better spirits than I was in when I entered. Maybe it was the fact that no one was blocking my way when I was bagging my groceries, or the fact that I had all of my groceries bagged by the time the checker started next person's cart, or maybe even the fact that I got a ton of groceries for roughly $70, when it would have cost me $150 at Albertsons. I don't know what it was about, but I do feel better--still irritated, but better. And I have a full kitchen.