I was watching "What Not to Wear" last night (a guilty pleasure of mine) and there was a girl on there who had lost 120 pounds and she had a hard time shopping because she still saw herself as the "fat girl." Anyway, I have come to realize that I still see myself that way sometimes and I get irritated when I gain even the slightest amount of weight when I weigh in every week. I love the fact that I am not limited by only shopping at Lane Bryant or Torrid (i.e. the "big girls stores") and that I can step into the GAP and buy size 10 or 12 pants (oh my gawd, did I actually wear an 18 before???) and have them fit. I love the fact that I've lost nearly 50 pounds (I am SO damn close to that award at Weight Watchers!). I love the fact that I can walk up the stairs to my third floor class and not be out of breath. But I can't seem to get out of the mindset that my thighs are big and I still have a pouch of a belly. There's something about me that strives to still fit into Lane Bryant bras even though soon I will have to settle for some other place the next time I have to buy bras. And what will I do without my "buy one, get one 1/2 off" standard?! I guess I don't really have a point to this, other than the fact that I've become obsessed with losing weight and I'm a little bit scared that once I hit my "goal" (that's in about 6 pounds) I'm still going to thrive on losing weight instead of maintaining simply because I won't see myself like everyone else probably does. Does this make sense? Has anyone else felt like this?
With all that being said, I want desperately to post before and after pictures for you - maybe I'll edit this later and add pics for people who haven't seen me in awhile....
(Ok, it didn't take me too long to add pics...)
Spring 2003?
January-ish 2007
February 2008
Spring 2003?
February 2008
January-ish 2008
1 comment:
I know what you mean about the fat girl mentality. I don't know how to shed it. Its hard. I mean, I've gained a bit of weight now, but before, like back when you met me, or even a few months ago, I had a hard time seeing myself the way I really was. I think I will always see myself as a fat girl, even if it doesn't reflect reality. It is such an ingrained feeling.
you look awesome now, but you looked awesome before too.
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